Being There For Dad

 

In 2019 it was decided that my dad would move up to Wauapca, WI. After losing his wife, my mom, this seemed to be the logical thing to do and now more than ever, I am finding this to be true. 

My uncle called me last week and said "there is going to be an interesting shift taking place. You will become the father and your father will become the son." I have seen this play out already but to hear these words from my uncle, my father's brother really resonated with me. The man who once stood 6'4" tall and 316 pounds now steps onto the scale in the ER last Sunday and weighs 204 pounds full clothed with his winter jacket on. His stature has shrunk from 6'4" to possibly 6'2". 

Seeing my only remaining parent walk this path, there are many emotions I go through being his son. It's no mystery that I was raised be so much like my mom. I love giving gifts, helping people and walking through storms with folks. To offer an encouraging word is something I am always willing to do even when life is getting really heavy. 

After my dad moved to Waupaca I have seen the rapid progression of aging take place right before my eyes. Just a couple of years ago we went fishing regularly and this summer...not one line was cast. Falling became more regular, taking my father to his doctors appointments is now the norm. Receiving random phone calls asking if I could go grocery shopping for him has become a weekly task. Seeing your last remaining parent go through these changes somehow shifts the dynamic of a parent/sibling bond. My mom and I were always close. We would always say "I love you". My dad shows his love and affection not through words but through deeds. Since my mom's passing, my father and I have become best friends. I would do anything for him. 

From ushering him into my mom's room at the rehab facility to say his final goodbye to casting lines with the grandkids, we have been on the mountain tops together and pushed through the darkest of valleys side by side. I have sat by him in the front yard watching the kids play in the sprinkler to holding his head and hand after he has taken some severe falls. We have become inseparable. I have seen my dad pull up to our camper outfitted with a million pounds of fishing gear only to catch bluegills to seeing him only in a partially closed hospital gown because this frail looking man is battling a severe skin ulcer. I have picked him up to go see the Fourth of July fireworks to picking him up off the commode because his legs just aren't want they used to be...and why do I do it? 

There is an important term in life for an aging parent that I love and the word is simply called, dignity. I could come up with a laundry list of items my father has done for me. Hundreds if not thousands of examples stand out in my mind regarding ways he has helped me. How could I not help my father navigate this phase of life without his wife by his side? Maintaining his dignity is a top priority for me. Exodus 20:12 talks about honoring your father and mother. Psalm 127:3 says "Children are indeed a heritage from the LORD". Seeing the life that my father has given me, it only makes sense that I am there during his darkest hours. I don't consider helping him as something I have to do but rather something I get to do. He has been the rock of the family for so long, it is now the son's job to step up and be the rock for him. 

Do emotions get in the way? Yes...but it is only natural. When I drove home from the hospital this week on multiple occasions, I was a crying mess. No doubt people passing me probably questioned what this grown man was crying about. When our guest musicians today at church played some golden oldies of the Christian faith, I was tearing up. Come on...when you hear the words being sung "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus...there's just something about that name. Master, Savior, Jesus....like the fragrance after the rain." I fell apart right there on the spot hoping I would not have to come up after that song to do the announcements. Thinking about my mom being gone and dad going through the struggles he is with his health, I could (and have) broken down at any given moment. But gladly, I will stick by his side.

For those of you that have never walked this path...just wait...it's coming. I/we that have walked this path don't expect you to get it. It's not really a matter of if, but rather, when this time will come for you. We could make up every reason under the sun as to why it might be inconvenient but serving and emergencies never come at the right time. It's just something we have to do. There could be reasons as to how this person got here but it doesn't matter at this point. Here we are in this phase of life and I know for me looking at my 82 (83 in January) year old dad, with the same measure of grace God has shown me...I will always do my best to show that to my dad (or anyone for that matter). I will live with no regrets with how I did my best to maintain my father's dignity. Really, if we call ourselves a Christian and want to live out the Christian values then ministry MUST start at home. 

I love my dad and until his dying day, I will do what I can to walk by his side through all of the hardships no matter what each day might bring.