Restoring Masculinity

As I prepare to put together my Father’s Day sermon, I have been having a lot of thoughts run through my head regarding men.

Of course of you know anything about scripture, you have read this verse before. Ephesians 5:23(NIV) “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.”

Who would have thought that in this day and age, according to numerous resources, one of the main groups facing discrimination would be straight, white, Christian males? It's remarkable how a simple Bible verse can spark intense discussion, partly due to its frequent misinterpretation and the powerful emotions it carries.

During my research on this topic, something interesting occurred. My feed suddenly became filled with men and women talking about the significance of men in society – how they think, act, and more. Here are a few quotes I stumbled upon, most of which came from individuals I know nothing about. Trust me when I say that finding these quotes didn't require extensive searching; they practically lined up one after another. We can attribute this discovery to the algorithms of social media or perhaps even consider it divine inspiration.

This is from a lady, “When a man is talking and he pauses, count to 30 and he’ll likely keep going. If you interrupt him you will never truly hear what he has to say. The things that men will share will make you realize what you are missing out. Women have the joy of chatting, saying whatever, drama, fulfilling, there is fun in it at time but men what to tell the truth. The things that deeply mean a lot to him and want to take his time.”

Here is another

“When a man opens up, when he really opens up don’t you use what he said used to prove a point when you want to win an argument. You will never hear full story from us ever again. We will start saying stuff like when we are asked “How are you?” You will get an answer “Good”. I ain’t good but I just ain’t tell you. Men aren’t emotionless, we have deep emotions we just don’t know how to express our emotions. If you make us feel us unsafe you’ll never hear from us again. If I tell you something in a moment of vulnerability and you use it against us in an argument. You can forget the deep talking. You can say he is quiet, in his man cave and that is because when he did open up, you shut the door on him.”

Here is another

Chris Rock said “There’s a coldness you have to accept when you are a man. Only women, children and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved under the condition that he provides something.”

Here is another

“People who struggle with anxiety and depression can’t remember a lot…Because they are too busy focusing on how to get through each moment, so they don’t actually experience what is happening to them. Causing them to not form the memory they were supposed to.”

How about another, this one actually a quote from from a blog by a lady, Zoe Clark.

“The basis of the concept of the emasculation of the modern male, from these creators’ perspective, is that men no longer are the men they used to be. Men are no longer the leaders in their relationships with women and in their families. They are being subjugated by their female relatives, their girlfriends, wives, and their mothers. Men are no longer displaying traditionally masculine behaviors and carrying out traditionally masculine roles. This does not mean that masculinity is changing but it means that men are becoming more feminine. By expressing your emotions as a man or not being decisive, these men are being treated like equals to women which makes them more feminine, which in turn makes them weak. Women and the emasculation of men are going against the “natural” masculinity of men. According to Casey Zander, the creator of “Emotional Men- MEN ARE BECOMING EMASCULATED,” men are no longer “warriors.” Men are no longer decisive, physically and mentally strong, authority figures, that women look to for guidance of their families.”

Let me dive right in. In our ever-evolving society, discussions around gender roles and expectations have gained increasing prominence. One important aspect of this dialogue revolves around the concept of masculinity and how it is perceived and experienced. Masculinity is a complex and multi-faceted concept that has traditionally been associated with characteristics such as strength, dominance, and emotional resilience. However, it is crucial to acknowledge that masculinity can manifest differently among individuals from diverse cultures, backgrounds, and belief systems. True masculinity encompasses a wide range of traits, including empathy, vulnerability, compassion, and nurturing abilities.

If we take a moment to observe television from a man's perspective, we might notice a recurring theme. In many commercials, men are often depicted as bumbling fools who struggle to make decisions and are frequently corrected or told they are wrong or ignorant. A piece published by Central Michigan University titled "Media Masculinity" emphasizes that male characters often fall into harmful stereotypes of emotional stoicism and physical aggression. Even the few instances when vulnerability is displayed, it is often limited to what is considered an acceptable amount of male expression.

Jason King, in his piece "Portraying Men in Media" for the Catholic Moral Theology blog, states that “men are not expected to be kind, respectful, responsible, intelligent spouses, and loving fathers as portrayed in the media. Though many men aspire to embody these qualities, they do not seem to align with society's narrow definition of masculinity. In fact, my male students, who are still discovering who they are and what they want to be, express frustration with these limiting depictions.”

Benjamin Franklin once said, "Men die at 25 and are buried at 75." To me, this quote reflects the challenges men face in our culture. There is a prevalent assumption that all men should conform to the same ideal. Women claim they are overly sexualized on TV, but men experience the same pressure. Look closely at most movies, and you'll often find male stars in impeccable shape, almost unrealistically so. Those who possess an average dad bod or are larger are often portrayed as fools. Need examples? Chris Farley was consistently cast as the dunce in his movies. John Belushi was the wild party animal who was kind of a goof. There are numerous other instances. In fact, larger people who are typically strong-minded and strong-willed are often depicted as abusive, confrontational individuals like Tony Soprano. Hollywood rarely seems to find a middle ground when it comes to portraying men. On the skinny side, we have characters like Kip from Napoleon Dynamite or Steve Buschemi's character in movies like Mr. Deeds, who all carry a stigma.

To put it simply, men must be allowed to embrace their authentic selves in our present-day culture. The fact that I am writing about this topic may ruffle some feathers. People might say, "How dare he discuss this?" Yet, countless articles, books, and blogs have been written about embracing femininity, different races, cultures, and so on. However, when a man writes about being a man, it often gets characterized as "toxic masculinity."

I believe the quotes I cited earlier perfectly capture the essence of the discussion. When you encounter a good, God-fearing man who willingly takes on the role of the head of the household, you will find someone with morals who is there for their family. This person will be reliable, willing to fix broken things, bark to make the kids listen, make tough decisions, and lead the family in the right direction. You will find a man who loves his children and wife to the best of his abilities. But this requires a letting go to let the man be the man. However, emasculate him, as described in the quotes, and you will witness a man who constantly feels like he is walking on eggshells rather than fostering a peaceful environment. You will find someone whose opinion holds no weight in their own home. This is not the place that God has called men to be. If you emasculate a man, you will encounter someone who possesses all the inherently masculine attributes yet keeps them hidden. Such a person will withhold their thoughts and opinions because, as mentioned before, "Men aren't emotionless; we have deep emotions; we just don't know how to express them. If you make us feel unsafe, you'll never hear from us again."

God seeks men of strength, honor, courage, and principles. Certainly, men may experience moments of anger or frustration, but this does not mean we can be broadly labeled as abusers, unintelligent, or incapable of independent thinking merely because we are hardwired by God to be firm, decisive, and problem-solvers. Many men of God maintain regular private devotions without feeling the need to advertise the latest book they are reading. We engage in our practices privately, and with God's help, our families, friends, and others benefit from the impact we make.

In conclusion, the idea of masculinity should be redefined to celebrate its diverse manifestations. By breaking free from stereotypes, encouraging open dialogue, and embracing authentic masculinity, we can foster a society where all individuals, regardless of gender, can thrive and contribute positively. Let us challenge the narrow definitions of masculinity, honor men's experiences, and promote a more inclusive understanding of true strength.