Home Hospice and Kids

 

When a loved one requires hospice care and eventually passes away, it can be an emotionally challenging time for everyone involved. As parents, we strive to protect our children from the pain and sadness that comes with such experiences. However, finding the right balance between shielding them from certain aspects while still allowing them to process their emotions can be a delicate task. 

The day that my dad passed away, I implemented a plan as Tracy was at work. The kids knew he was imminent but of course I used age appropriate language to explain the situation. Though we did not know when my dad was going to pass, it was evident from the hospice nurse visit that day that things were looking pretty bleak. 

While Noah was watching TV, I explained to James and Emma the situation. I told them that when grandpa passes away, I am going to ask them to take Noah to the park. James is 15 and Emma is 14 and had a clear understanding of what was going on. They would occasionally go into my dad’s room and say hi or chat a bit. Noah however, being 7 did not fully grasp what was going on. He saw my dad in the bed and would on occasion come in to say hi.

Within a short time, my dad passed and I called James and Emma to my bedroom. I told them that they need to take Noah to the park now for about an hour. After an hour they can go to the gas station and buy an ice cream and return to the park. They were absolute rockstars and followed my directions. The reason for this is that I did not want them nor Noah to see the funeral home arrive to take my dad out of the home. During this time, I called Tracy at work and she headed for home right away to occupy the kids. 

Here are some things that I have learned through that process when it comes to having kids in the house when a loved one passes away in home hospice. .

1. Open Communication:

During times of illness or end-of-life care, it is crucial to maintain open communication with your children. Be honest about what is happening while using age-appropriate language to explain the situation. Encourage them to ask questions and express their feelings without judgment.

2. Preparing for Loss:

While it may be tempting to shield children from witnessing certain aspects of death, it's important to consider their individual needs and preferences. Some children may find comfort in being present during these moments as they say goodbye or witness funeral home proceedings, while others may prefer not to participate directly. The older kids knew exactly what was going on. Noah just knew grandpa was very sick. He asked the social worker that morning if what grandpa had was contagious. 

3. Creating Safe Spaces:

In situations where children might feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable with certain aspects of end-of-life care or funeral arrangements, creating safe spaces becomes essential. This could involve arranging activities outside the home during sensitive moments or providing opportunities for them to engage in comforting activities that allow them space for reflection. I am so thankful that the social worker dropped off resources for the kids, specifically Noah. 

4.Supporting Sibling Relationships:

If you have multiple children experiencing loss together, encourage open dialogue among siblings so they can share their feelings with one another. This can help them process their emotions and provide a support system within the family unit.

5. Honoring Memories:

Remembering and celebrating the life of the loved one who has passed away is an important part of the healing process for children. Encourage them to share stories or participate in activities that honor their grandparent's memory. I told the family the other night that from here on out on my mom’s birthday we will have dinner at the Rose Garden (her favorite Waupaca restaurant). For my dad’s birthday we will have dinner at the Truck Stop as this was his favorite place for carryout. 

Dealing with hospice care and loss within a family can be incredibly challenging, especially when it involves young children. By maintaining open communication, creating safe spaces, etc. We can help our children navigate this difficult time with love and understanding. Remember that each child's grieving process is unique; therefore, providing individualized support is crucial to their emotional well-being as they cope with the loss of a beloved grandparent.