Open Letter to the Teens That Called Me Their Youth Pastor or Teen Time Speaker

 

Well, here we are, over 29 years since I took my first youth pastor position at Bay View Assembly of God, now Changing Lives Church. More than likely, there will soon be another change. Nonetheless, to all of the teens I have had in my youth group for those 8 great years, and 1 and a half years in Waupaca, and those in my teen time at Spencer Lake Christian Center Family Camp, I want to say a few things. As per my style, I've made a top 10 list.

1. I am extremely proud of you. From a distance, I have observed you mature over the years, witnessing you build your own families, celebrate significant milestones, and for those who have chosen to remain single, pursue careers that have shaped your identities today. This sentiment is likely shared by most youth pastors, but in my eyes, you will always be that lively, fun-loving kid who attended youth group. Even when I see you on vacation, I can't help but humorously ask myself if you have your permission slip filled out.

2. You have weathered many storms in your life. You've faced trials that may have included loss, divorce, disappointments, or job loss, among other things. Despite these challenges, you remain resilient, standing firm and steadfast. It's often said that life becomes more difficult as we age, and many, if not all of you, have found this to be true. Yet, for those of you who continue to press forward and maintain your walk with Christ, I want to express my admiration. I am profoundly proud of you. 

For those who have strayed from their faith, please know that you are still held in high regard. I frequently pray for you, holding you close in thought. And for those who feel they haven't found their place in this world yet (cue the Michael W. Smith song), I want to assure you that you do have a place, and more importantly, a purpose. You are valued, and your journey is significant.

3. We have lost some along the way. What I mean by 'lost' is that some have passed away. This makes an old youth pastor very sad. Everyone who was a part of the youth group at one time or another contributed in some way. Each person has added to the memories, no matter what life they have led. For some, life has beaten them down and they did not make it. For others, illness happened and they may have passed away. Nonetheless, each and every one holds a special place in the heart of an old youth pastor.

4. Youth Pastors, like anyone else, can flake out. I can attest to this from personal experience, having faced my own moments of weakness. When I refer to "flaking out," I am specifically referring to being emotionally hurt, which subsequently led to some form of rebellion.

My personal journey of disappointment began long before my departure from Changing Lives. The genesis of my discontent was when we relocated to a new building. I was quite opposed to this move, as I had a deep affection for our original location in Bay View. That old neighborhood these days is a prime hotspot in Milwaukee. 

The situation was further exacerbated during my first and only board meeting in eight years. The board members, with one exception, confronted me. They accused me of attempting to establish my own church due to the escalating size of the youth group and college ministry. This accusation was deeply hurtful, as I had always been a team player, focused on growing our existing church.

The tension escalated during the meeting when I was accused of various things. When I attempted to respond, I was shouted at from the pastor with the command, "DO NOT SPEAK UNLESS I ASK YOU TO!" This incident only added to my growing bitterness.

The situation reached a boiling point during a transition period when the interim pastor informed me that "the board and one staff member doesn’t want you here." This statement left me feeling enraged and unfairly blamed for issues I had no part in, unless I was some major prophet. The pain was intense, considering how much I had invested emotionally in the youth and college program.

At this point, "flaking out" seemed almost justifiable. I left with a bitter attitude, which, unfortunately, I held onto for a long time.

5. Healing from hurt is a process that takes time. I discovered this truth about six years after I had left my previous position, when I realized that I was still harboring a great deal of bitterness. Recognizing the need to make amends, I took the initiative to reach out to the old board members. I sent each of them an email, humbly asking for their forgiveness for any harm I may have caused.

To my relief, each response was met with open arms. They too sought my forgiveness, reciprocating the sentiment of reconciliation. This was a significant step towards healing for me.

However, my journey did not end there. I also felt the need to reach out to a few teenagers (who are now adults) that I may have inadvertently hurt during my tenure. Once again, I sent out emails expressing my remorse and seeking their forgiveness.

The majority of the responses were positive, reflecting a willingness to forgive and move on. However, one reply stood out. This individual stated, "I forgive you, but I still think you are a wolf in sheep's clothing." While this response was disheartening, I realized that I cannot change a person's perception of me.

Despite this, I found an immense sense of release and relief in taking these steps towards reconciliation. It was a crucial part of my healing process, teaching me that while we cannot control how others perceive us, we can control our actions and seek to make amends where necessary.

6. Old photographs often serve as a time machine, transporting us back to the cherished moments we spent together. These visuals capture a wide array of experiences, from youth conventions filled with enlightening discussions to whimsically themed youth nights that brought laughter and camaraderie, and even large-scale trips that broadened our horizons. Every individual who reflects upon these images is likely to be taken away to that particular moment in time and space, a moment where unforgettable memories were created. These shared experiences, captured in the form of photographs, not only encapsulate our personal growth but also, hopefully, reflect our collective spiritual journey towards becoming closer to Christ.

7. I/We did our best. The Bay View A/G youth group had a certain stigma attached to it within the circles I frequented, particularly at section 10 youth pastor meetings. The prevailing perception was that we were a small, dare I say "ghetto," church, gathering in a modest, landlocked building. Despite our limited resources, we managed to make the most of what we had. This was largely due to the collective effort and faith of our group, who believed in God's work amongst us. As a result, we experienced significant growth.

It's often said that a healthy church youth group should constitute 10% of the church's size. If this is true, then we were undoubtedly thriving, thanks to God's grace. By my calculations, our youth group was 121% larger than the church congregation itself. I don't say this to boast. My hope was that this growth would extend to the church as well, which it did, albeit modestly. What I'm trying to convey is that God performed some truly amazing works within our youth group, and many of you reading this were part of that journey. Thank you.

8. We saw many of our teens go into full-time ministry. Looking back, I hear reports of many still following the Lord or on staff at different churches, both in and out of the church. Sure, there are some who would say our youth group was all fun and games, but let's take a step back. Every Tuesday night, we had fun, but we also had a time of worship led by a youth band. Sure, we were up to some shenanigans, but we always had a message. We also attended youth conventions, summer camps, etc. At a young age, it's hard to recognize that we are each responsible for our own growth, so ultimately a youth group should just be aiding in that foundation. For a teen attending a youth group that is part of a Christian home, the youth pastor should only reinforce what is being taught in the home. For the teens that attend who don't come from a Christian home, there is a larger task for a youth pastor to help lay a healthy foundation. Despite the criticism I received as a youth pastor and our youth group received for having too much fun, I look at many of the teens from that youth group and praise the Lord many of you are still walking the path.

9. We thought outside of the box. Our youth group grew so rapidly that we were the only one I knew of that had to run a nursery program. Teens who had babies were part of our group, and in order for them to attend, they requested a nursery. Some of the wonderful ladies from our church stepped up and volunteered. That is a memory I will never forget.

10. Don't forget your past. At one point, you attended your last youth convention as a teenager. You went to your last youth group meeting as a teenager. You found yourself in the college group, adult service or, for some, walked away from the church altogether. Whatever the case may be, a seed was planted and memories were made. As a former youth pastor, we often imagine that the youth group would always remain close and united. The reality is, you all went your separate ways. Some of you live in different states, many attend different churches, and some have chosen different lifestyles. Whatever the case may be, don't forget your past.

I used to speak to many more kids and youth groups back in the day. For those who did not know me, I would remind them that as they navigate life into adulthood, they should always remember that there is this goofy-looking 6’3” 230-pound cheerleader (me) cheering them on as they experience life as adults. I will never forget all the teens from Milwaukee, Waupaca, and my times speaking at teen time during family camp at Spencer Lake Christian Center. It was a privilege to serve in those capacities, and I hope a lasting mark was made.